I'm sitting here...

I'm sitting in a church sanctuary on a Saturday afternoon listening and watching a worship practice.  I'm visiting a friend of mine for the weekend out of town and she is on the worship team tomorrow morning. As I "put down" the book I've been reading here on my iPhone and just listen to the instruments and their beautiful harmonies I'm a little surprised at the strong emotions filling my heart...

My mind is drifting back to the many Saturday's I have spent in worship practices - sometimes as a vocalist, many as a leader...What amazing memories...I miss those days...I loved hearing a song come together, hearing the song slow down and then come back with a powerful crescendo - there was nothing like it. I'll be honest, some days it felt like work but when a practice had gone well, we'd laughed and genuinely had fun worshipping, how my heavy heart would be lightened... I always laughed at how I  could never make the verbal sound of what I heard for a drum beat in my head, but my usual drummer always sifted through and came up with the right beat :) I always joked that I couldn't speak "drummer" lol. 

Several months ago a situation arose at the church we were attending and the very difficult decision to leave was made. I had been on the worship team once and had led once as well. I was crazy nervous to lead but I was soon comfortable in the place God had allowed me to be so many times in the past.  Leaving meant so many things but definitely meant that being part of a worship team was again not going to be a part of my life for a while yet. 

We are feeling more and more comfortable in the church we have chosen to attend but being a part of worship is something I still really miss.  I believe that one day I will be part of a team again but for now I am meant to be part of the congregation...but at moments like this, sitting here hearing these voices lifted in praise, my heart feels the loss and yet believes in hope for that day...